Yes, you need to love yourself more, and here are 3 reasons why…
If you are anything like me, despite being a positive and upbeat person, loving myself hasn't necessarily come easy. In fact, I think about it as more of a work in progress rather than a destination that I've landed at.
In my practice, I've learned that I'm not alone, as many have shared their struggles with self acceptance, being kind to themselves, and self love. It's like there is a resistance that starts to bubble up the minute we start talking about the idea of loving ourselves. Or saying: Self, I love you.
So why are so many resistant to the idea of self love? (And if you do NOT struggle with this, please do keep reading as I've got a question for you at the end.)
The great Marianne Williamson shares this quote:
Hmm… maybe we fear loving ourselves because we are afraid of how bright we might shine?
Maybe we are afraid that we will shine and then fail?
Maybe we are afraid to outshine others?
Whatever the reason, it is our JOB to shine and LOVE, so let's get too it…
I've found that to get people a little more comfortable with this conversation, it's all about how you frame it. And for many, a way to make this more palatable, is to start with how loving yourself will impact OTHERS.
So here goes…
3 Reasons you NEED to Love Yourself MORE:
Because YOU do good things for other people. Right now, think of ONE thing that you've done recently for someone that was purely out of love and kindness. It could be anything… carrying in your neighbor's groceries, listening to a distressed friend, or telling someone how much you appreciate them. These are all ACTS of LOVE and you give them to others. So… you need to love yourself MORE because you are LOVING to others and want to continue doing so.
Because a RISING tide LIFTS all BOATS. (Yes, you will continue to hear me say this…) I heard a great story the other day. A woman wanted to feel more radiant, so as she was getting dressed one morning, she put on her (somewhat average) teal t-shirt and said to herself over and over: I am radiant. And yes, as she went about her day, she was told on more than one occasion: You look RADIANT today!
So what's my point? As you love YOURSELF others will see it, they will feel it, and they will “want what she's having.” Love yourself and others will do the same. Your love is the TIDE that will lift ALL boats.
Because the four year old you deserves to be loved. Right now, think about the innocent, child version of you. You probably immediately saw an image of yourself around the ages of four to six. I know that my first grade school picture quickly comes to mind.
Right now, ask yourself: would you EVER talk to her or him the way you talk to yourself NOW? Of course not! You would love and encourage and support that four year old you. So here's the lesson: that four year old you IS you and is DESERVING of your LOVE.
What do these three reasons conjure up for you?
What is going through your head right now?
My hope is that this sheds a light on you and opens you up to the idea of why you must express love for yourself. It all must start from within. The only way that we can truly love others is to love ourselves first.
Please comment below and share what is resonating with you, what you struggle with related to self love, or just say: I am willing to consider loving myself.
Now, as I mentioned at the start of this post, if this is NOT a challenge for you and if you consider yourself to be a self-love junkie, I want to hear from YOU! Comment below or email me: [email protected] and share WHY and HOW you feel you have come to this place. It just might be what someone else needs to hear!
And finally… if you want to hear more on this topic, I'm chatting all about it in this week's podcast: Episode 12: Three Reasons you need to Love Yourself More
Why I was SO scared to make a
CHANGE in my LIFE
We've all been there, right? We want to do something, we want to try something, we want to CHANGE something in our lives, but SOMETHING keeps holding us back.
Something that grabs hold like a VICE GRIP and will NOT. LET. GO.
That was me four years ago…
Last week, I shared my story about changing careers to start GET LIVEY and how I was paralyzed by fear.
I heard from so many of you. So many of you who find yourself in a variety of situations with one common overarching theme. You are afraid to change. Afraid to take that next step forward.
You reached out to me and asked: WHY AM I SO AFRAID?
So, I thought about, I journaled about it, and dug deep into my own fears so that I could come back this week and share more with you on this topic.
First, I reflected on the reasons that were holding me back. What did I fear the most about leaving my job and starting my business?
- MONEY – Yup, that's right, my number one fear was about money. And let's go even deeper here… sure I was afraid about how we would pay our bills, but I knew that I would be able to make at least enough to make that happen. My real fear was letting go of our lifestyle.
- STATURE – I had been in my role for 12 years and had lots of responsibility, lots of trust, clout, and from an ego standpoint, title. How could I walk away from all that?
- CONFIDENCE – I knew my job inside out and there wasn't much that could rattle me. Sure, there were plenty of challenges, but I knew the business, I knew the players, I knew the politics. I was seasoned in this work. And now I was going to START OVER in a business that I frankly knew nothing about and had no contacts?
After taking this time to break down what really scared the crap out of me, I realized something…
Now, sure, I have the benefit of playing Monday Morning Quarterback here because I am sharing this well on the other side of making this change, but still, here it is:
I was solely focus on what I was going to LOSE.
I obsessed about the money piece, the stature piece, and the confidence piece. All I thought about was what I perceived that I would lose! No wonder I was too scared to make a move!
Fortunately, I was led to take the first step, and then another, and then another until Get Lively was born (again, check out last week's post for the full story)… but now it is time for me to ask all of YOU who share that you are afraid:
What do you have to GAIN?
I didn't know this at the time, but I had SO much more to gain than I did to lose…
- MONEY – First off, it all just worked out and I stopped spending money frivolously. But more so, my currency shifted from actual dollars to seeing people believe in themselves for the first time and to doing things they physically didn't think they could do.
- STATURE – If I thought having an assistant VP title was fun, little did I know what fun it would be to become a coach that guides people to make positive changes to their health and lives. Their expressions of gratitude and joy far exceed any title on a business card.
- CONFIDENCE – I love to learn, and starting over gave me the gift of being a student again, so that I could gain confidence in a whole new part of my life.
So, what do you have to GAIN?
Take the time to write down what you fear. Ask yourself: am I focusing on just what I have to lose?
If so, fear will continue to dominate your situation, but now you've got some new tools to test out. You can look fear in the eye, call it out, shift your perspective from what you have to LOSE to what you have to GAIN, and then let's talk…
If you want to hear more on this topic, I'm digging in a little deeper on my podcast:
Episode 9: Why I was so Scared to Change – hope you'll tune in!
And please do comment below with how you are going to shift your focus from what you have to lose to all you have to GAIN.
A Little Story about
Change, Belief, Trust, & Faith
Last week, as we prepared to bring 2017 to a close, I asked the question:
What challenge did you overcome this year and how did you do it?
I shared that I was so focused on looking ahead to the new year, and frankly, judging what I hadn’t done in the current, that I lost sight of what I accomplished and how I grew…
But here we now are in 2018…
The new year is fresh.
The new year is clean.
The new year is full of possibilities.
So I ask: what do YOU want to make of it?
Okay, I get it, big question…
So let’s focus in a bit here…
In my health coaching practice, I work with people to help them better understand the “primary food groups” in their lives. And no, this is not carbs, proteins, and fats… rather, it is about what fuels are soul.
And it is when these areas are out of alignment, or we don’t feel satisfied in them, well, that is when the actual food can become a struggle…
So when I ask you what you want to make of this new year, I challenge you to choose ONE thing in each of these areas that will improve your overall life.
This does not need to be grandiose, it might be as simple as talking more/texting less to have more fulfilling relationships in your life.
So that is your charge for today… as this new year shines upon us, reflect on how satisfied you are in these “primary” food groups and choose ONE thing in each that will help you to make each day a little more lively.
And… it just so happens that I am talking ALL about this in this week’s podcast:
Hope you’ll tune in…
What if only for today…
What if only for today, things were different? What if only for today, we allowed love, and joy, and gratitude to shine light on our lives and we basked in it?
What if only for today we…
…didn’t beat ourselves up yet AGAIN for not being smart enough, skinny enough, pretty/handsome enough.
…didn’t criticize ourselves up for not having a better job, or car, or house.
…didn’t complain about the weather, our boss, or how we “always get screwed.”
…didn’t judge our friend, sister, or neighbor for how they choose to live their lives.
And what if ONLY for today we…
…appreciated our bodies, our situations, our lungs that allow us to breathe.
…looked in the mirror and said: you are amazing!
…appreciated EVERYTHING about the people we love (yes, everything, because you will miss even those things that annoy you when they are gone.)
…savored every moment that we were given.
It’s ONLY 24 hours, and with any luck, you are sleeping for almost a third of that, so what if ONLY for today we…
…allow ourselves to feel unabashed JOY.
…say “I love you” more times than we can count.
…recognize how fleeting life can be and we actually live every moment of it right NOW.
…rise up and shine our light on somebody who needs it. Trust me, somebody needs it.
Aren’t you tired of thinking: why do we have to wait until tragedy strikes to remember how precious this life really is?
Aren’t you tired of regretting not living more, loving more, laughing more?
Well, we’ve all got today. We’ve all got the same 24 hours. So how are YOU going to use it?
Joy. Love. Presence. Light.
Who’s with me?
The most INSPIRING story I've heard in a LONG time.
Ever hear a story that STOPS you in your tracks. That brings you RIGHT into the PRESENT MOMENT and FREES you from all distraction and stories in your head?
The Universe blessed me with one of those moments this past weekend…
and I want to share it with YOU!
This is one of those situations that I need to speak about versus writing, so I REALLY hope you will GIVE yourself this SIMPLE 5 minutes to be inspired.
And after you listen… I want to hear what YOU are taking on to switch your perspective.
Show me yours and I'll show you mine! 😉
One of the many gifts of doing the work that I do, is hearing from all of YOU, which often happens after you read a blog post, or watch one of my videos.
For last week’s blog, I wrote about running the Tufts 10k and releasing the fear of being judged (by myself) about my pace and just enjoying the experience. Well my sister responded with how this post impacted her perspective and I decided to make her this week’s guest blogger.
So here goes… from Elena (it’s actually very strange for my to type her actual name and not refer to her as Bug, Lane, or Lena – but since I already posted her trophy selfie, which she does NOT know that I am doing, I guess I better refer to her by name.)
I pretty much never ran this summer because I knew my pace wasn't “as fast” as it was last year. I had run very infrequently since the half-marathon last Fall and soon avoided running all together and stuck to TRX, boot camp and the elliptical because there was no running app chirping my pace at me. Sure I could do the occasional Vine Street sprint – but I knew my pace on a 5k was not where it once was. So I decided I would not run a 5k, I would not fail, I would not be losing my edge.
Then one day at work I realized I really missed running. So I went for a trail run, my first mile was a 9:05. I completely freaked out at how “slow” this was and then the excuses started about – well its because I'm on the trails, and they're really rooted and I'm more used to pavement, blah, blah, blah. I made it a second mile at 9:20 and then walked the rest of the way back in shock that I was no longer a “fast” runner.
A week went by before I realized this was straight up freaking ridiculous.
WHO AM I COMPETING WITH? WHAT DOES IT MATTER WHAT MY PACE IS?
So I started running again and every moment I ran I thanked the sun (if it was out), the wind and the trees (if I was in the woods) for sharing their energy and my ability to run. I accepted that sometimes my pace would be “fast” and sometimes it wouldn't and that wasn't the reason I was out there. I was out there to run. I wasn't out there to motivate myself with criticism, app statistics or the allure of having a brag worthy pace.
I hesitantly decided to run in the Pamet 5k and this attitude carried me through – it was a beautiful morning whether I won or not (which I will insert myself here and say: SHE DID. See pic above).
The Oysterfest 5k is this Sunday and as I considered entering it, of course, the demon knocked on the door whispering: there are more people in this race, you probably won't win or even be in the top 5. But that is now fine, I am still going to enjoy the energy of everything and everyone around me.
And here is what she had to say after this race…
Oysterfest 5k was super fun and foggy and damp (haha!) even though I came in 4th female/16th overall and didn't receive a trophy. 😉
There was a guy running alongside me most of the way and he pulled ahead of my towards the last mile, but turned around and said – “you're doing awesome, keep going!!”
I thought that was very cool and hope to return the favor to another fellow runner someday soon…
And to that, the older sister replied: “Well Bug, you’ve heard me say it at least a thousand times, and I’ll say it again: A rising tide lifts ALL boats.”
Thank you for indulging me in this sisterly conversation…
Something I’m not very good at… (you know, the stuff the gives us a challenge)
We’ve all got them, right? The stuff that we aren’t quite good at.
And some of them just aren't worth our energy, right?
Like for me, it's math. That’s what my sister’s for. I don’t need to worry my purple haired head about remembering how to do fractions, because she always will.
But there are other things that I’m not so good at, that deserve my attention. Things that challenge me, things that make me grow, things that inspire me, and yes, things that lead to BEAUTY.
Monday I was reminded of one of those things. RUNNING.
If you follow my blog or videos, you’ve probably heard me mention on more than one occasion that no matter how fit I am, and I consider myself to be pretty fit, if I don’t run, it doesn’t matter that I can hold a five minute plank. If I don’t run regularly, come race time I STRUGGLE.
But unlike fractions and algebra, running matters to me. It pushes me physically and shows me what I’m capable of doing. After all, it can’t all come easy, right? Where the shrek is the fun in that?
So Monday morning I set out with my partner in crime, Juls, for our annual tradition of running the Tufts 10k for Women along with 5,000 fabulous gals in Boston.
Truth be told, I probably haven’t run more than three miles since LAST year’s race, so that EASILY could have become my mantra, right?
I could have started the day off telling myself:
It’s okay if you are slow or have to walk because you basically haven’t run since last year.
You workout so much, you don’t have time to run.
Running doesn’t really matter much to me anyway.
Oh yes, I could easily have started down that path, but I didn’t. Because I’m on a mission to bring more JOY into my life (and to that of those around me!) and excuses do NOT bring the joy.
So instead, I did this…
Visualized myself enjoying the company of Juls and all of the other women taking on this race.
Saw myself pacing my breath and speed so that I could complete the race.
Felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude that I have the God given ability to run!
Thought about finding space in my routine to challenge myself by running.
Quite a shift in perspective, huh?
Just think if I had let myself fall into the trap of letting my ego fill my head with excuses because I was self conscious about what my timing might be?
Shrek, no! I’m not giving away my JOY for that anymore!
And this is how the day played out…
We had a great time bumping into friends and enjoying the energy that manifests when 5,000 women take over the streets of Boston and bring our best selves forward!
While I ran, I focused on what I WAS doing and that I AM capable, versus criticizing myself for not training, or not going faster.
I was inspired to take on new physical challenges and commit to working them into my routine, even when if it doesn’t seem convenient, because in the challenge, lies the BEAUTY.
And now here are my questions for you:
- Where should YOU be challenging yourself?
- How have you allowed yourself to get COMFORTABLE with a routine?
- What will CHARGE you up and inspire you to stretch and grow?
Comment below and let me know what goals you set for yourself. I’d love to cheer you on!
On bringing the joy…
Last week, I was blessed to participate in Brendon Burchard’s High Performance Academy. This four day event was the culmination of a 12 week high performance coaching course that I’ve been taking with my fitness and coaching guru, Anna Renderer.
For four days Brendon spoke to us about the habits of high performers and how people become extraordinary in life.
And now I’m going to warn you, this is going to sound dramatic. But so what, right? Right!
So here goes…
I’ve never experienced this level of sustained energy and joy in my entire life.
Despite lack of sleep, jet lag, and essentially being in a ballroom for four days without windows, with ONE speaker (Brendon), I had energy like I have NEVER experienced.
I was challenged.
I put myself out there.
Somehow I logged 15,000 steps a day while barely leaving the conference room…
…and along with 1,500 other people, I brought the JOY.
And after experiencing this and reflecting on the flight back home from San Diego, I made a commitment.
A commitment to all of you to:
To help you find YOUR lively.
To help you find the humor, the kindness, and the joy in each day.
To CHALLENGE you to make it happen.
And I am accepting this challenge along with you. To Bring. The. Joy.
Brendon quoted Viktor Frankl many times, specifically this statement made by a man that survived atrocities that no human should endure:
Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.
So I ask:
Do you choose your attitude EACH day or do you act based on your REACTION to others?
Do you SET an intention for HOW you want your day to go or do you REACT to what plays out?
Do you choose to live a life filled with JOY or do you go through the MOTIONS?
Ask yourself, write down your answers, and remember that the last of all human freedoms is to choose your own attitude. So choose wisely.
Please share your answers with me, I’d love to hear from you and we can hold each other accountable for bringing the JOY.
And if you want to learn more about Brendon, check out this feature in Success Magazine.